While I do indeed plan to marvel at Alberta's staggering abundance this summer, the decision to do so has nothing to do with this site. Judging by the links on the top of the page, I'm guessing the intended audience here is businesspeople, specifically those looking for a place to set up shop. And while it's true that all of the marketing/sales-type people I know have a much higher tolerance for abused metaphors and inconsistent voice than I do, even they have standards.


Hello there and welcome! I'm the western province, the wild one - the one that makes you want to whistle in the morning - whether it's from a jolt of java at a trendy cafe or the view of a sun-kissed wheatfield - Alberta does that to you.

Here we move from the first person to the third person (where we stay for the remainder of the essay) with an ease bordering on alacrity. We also learn that Alberta is evidently the western province, presumably having muscled BC into the Pacific, which is disappointing, as I'd planned to go to Vancouver over Memorial Day.

But, like Alberta's ghostwriter, I digress.

One more excerpt, though:

Whether your interests lean toward high peaks or high tea - we hope you have a great time and ultimately, find leaving this remarkable outdoor playground - well, tough.

Why--the excessive--use of em-dashes--to the exclusion of other punctuation? Also, isn't 'outdoor playground' somewhat redundant? (Perhaps Alberta's long-ass winters mean lots of indoor playgrounds; what do I know?) And finally, is it me or is Alberta threatening me, suggesting that if I'm fond of my kneecaps and eyeteeth I'll do what's wise and decide not to leave? Because really, Alberta, just because you're the western province--the wild one--doesn't mean you need to swagger so. Maybe a bit of humility would do you good.

No comments: