Not Happening

Projects featured in the June issue of Martha Stewart Living I'm unlikely to attempt, now or ever:

• Making my own bias tape.
• Wallpapering my kitchen ceiling.
• Wallpapering a window shade to match the aforementioned kitchen ceiling.
• Lining a glass-topped bedside table with wallpaper.
• Creating a jaunty drinks tray with an old map.
• Making a totebag from an old pillowcase.
• Cooking pancakes with chunks of bacon in them.
• Collecting old watering cans.